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Hoy permanezco más volátil que de costumbre. Mi mente piensa 350mil cosas diferentes, sin embargo no logreo acentar ninguna

Mi cuerpo y mi mente carecen de conexión uno con otro, no logro avanzar ni hacer nada, solo estoy así, estatica, vegetativa y no logro entender por que? por que estoy tan inmovil, por que no mejor sigo con mis pendientes, o ya al menos por que no sigo procrastinando? nisiquiera eso! solo me quedo así, viendo la pantalla, con la cabeza recargada hacia mi lado izquierdo, talvez derecho, oyendo música, nisiquiera escuchandola, y esperando que alguien, solo alguien me hable x msn! y sigo sentada... esperando... ¿qué es lo que esta pasando conmigo? Es acaso que mi vida ya es más estatica, mas... "estable" espero no, amo mi innestabilidad emocional, fisica, mental incluso espiritual...

Esta semana decidí no hacer tarea de semiotica... no me siento inspirada... es la primera vez que me siento ASI!, tampoco estoy lijando mi estupida moto, aunque tengo dandole un buen! tampoco estoy con mi diseño web! ya me tiene harta....

Solo quiero estar así! viendo la tele, recostada en tu cuerpo, viendo cualquier estupidez, siendo esto solo un pretexto para tenerte a mi lado, abrazados...

pero ¿a quién carajo le estoy hablando? es acaso al viento? al perro? al gato? no lo sé! solo se que te quiero a mi lado... talvez no te conozco aún, talvez te conocí y te dejé ir, o tu a mí, la verdad no lo se, no tengo certeza alguna, pero si no te he conocido, te pregunto ¿Donde carajo te has metidooo? me tienes muy abandonada! veen, acercate, dame un beso! y dime que todo estará bien

Fitche: "el YO es la unica realidad existente, pues no hay mas objetos que aquellos de los cuales tenemos conciencia. TU eres tu propio Objeto"

"Crear significa aproximarse a su verdad, a la ultima dimensión del ser"

Wholeness hole

i am sorry if this space seems kind of forgotten or lonely to you! but this is just a place where I write when my mind and my soul tell me to, because here is where i wanna release everything that i am thinking, feeling and even holding on to.

i have not been having time to write my stuff, because college takes all my time away from me...

last tuesday i had an experience that, i MUST had had enjoyed, but I didn't... AT ALL xD
But, what gives me comfort is that I've learn so much from it... because... in 3 words: I was objectualized... and it was a hurtful experience, but what does not kill me makes me strong doesn't it? =)

So... lately i have been thinking about it... about objectualization of people, of products, of services, and it is something that we all humans use to do A LOT! we don't see a person anymore, we just see in which way we can use them, and depending of the performance of the person, and of the results, we get to think wheter we're using him/her again... and i think it's kind of sad we "people" have stopped beeing nice to others, and stopped wanting to getting involved with someone, we just wanna have sex, or have fun, or whatever is the use we want to give to those people... that's what makes me wonder, then, where are we going? or where is it gonna stop?... we're just like robots to each others, i use you, you use me, we use each other, and then, i drop you into the trash... that's not good...
we have lots of aspects for which we worth it... but, why can not we see them?
i have just one answer (let me know if you have another one), it is because we don't want to
it's because it is easier to use and to get used, than getting involved, than risking our feelings, because then, we get vulnerable, so that we can get hurt, and nobody likes to get hurt... true?

but i might say... i am walking on the other side of the road... i kind of like getting hurt, knowing that i am giving always my best, my 100% and it is quite painful, but i still think it worths it, because i can not be happy with myself without giving all my effort, without trying my best... i think that's just the way i am, and, eventhough i have been pretty hurt, i don't get use to the pain, and it doesn't hurt less (just the way it happens to other people), nop, in my case it hurts so much, but i always know that i'm getting through it, because i always do, no mather what happened, i always see the light, sometimes early, sometime it lasts, but at least i see it...

i guess i am trying to reach happyness through pain... and here is where it comes again the frase "pain is love", "love is violent", "if it doesn't hurt, it doesn't count", and i have tons of frases like those... i think all feelings are attached to their... "opposite" love to hate, sadness to happyness, etc... because... even if you think one is lack of the other... like vacuum! i think it is vacuum of something ¿isn't it? ... so it is a need... an unsatisfied need...


in that case...
i might be unsatisfied...